The crisis of yesterday is the joke of tomorrow.
—H. G. Wells (1866–1946) English Novelist, Historian, Social Thinker
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist
‘Tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about thine ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so.
—Laurence Sterne (1713–68) Irish Anglican Novelist, Clergyman
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee and I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.
—Robert Frost (1874–1963) American Poet
All womankind, from the highest to the lowest love jokes; the difficulty is to know how they choose to have them cut; and there is no knowing that, but by trying, as we do with our artillery in the field, by raising or letting down their breeches, till we hit the mark.
—Laurence Sterne (1713–68) Irish Anglican Novelist, Clergyman
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–99) German Philosopher, Physicist
I gleaned jests at home from obsolete farces.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
My way of joking is to tell the truth; it’s the funniest joke in the world.
—George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950) Irish Playwright
Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Where be your jibes now, your gambols, your songs, your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?
—William Shakespeare (1564–1616) British Playwright
The old idea that the joke was not good enough for the company has been superseded by the new aristocratic idea that the company was not worthy of the joke. They have introduced an almost insane individualism into that one form of intercourse which is specially and uproariously communal. They have made even levities into secrets. They have made laughter lonelier than tears.
—G. K. Chesterton (1874–1936) English Journalist, Novelist, Essayist, Poet
In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
—Frank Lane (1896–1981) American Sportsperson, Businessperson
Prithee don’t screw your wit beyond the compass of good manners.
—Colley Cibber (1671–1757) English Playwright, Poet, Actor
All human race would be wits. And millions miss, for one that hits.
—Jonathan Swift (1667–1745) Irish Satirist
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
A caricature is putting the face of a joke on the body of a truth.
—Joseph Conrad (1857–1924) Polish-born British Novelist
I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.
—Marilyn Monroe (1926–62) American Actor, Model, Singer
The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded
—George Orwell (1903–50) English Novelist, Journalist
If all else fails, the character of a man can be recognized by nothing so surely as by a jest which he takes badly.
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–99) German Philosopher, Physicist
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
—David Ogilvy (1911–99) British-American Advertising Executive
A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809–94) American Physician, Essayist
Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through a joke than grave teaching.
—Baltasar Gracian (1601–58) Spanish Scholar, Prose Writer
Jokes are grievances.
—Marshall Mcluhan (1911–80) Canadian Writer, Thinker, Educator
A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
—Mark Twain (1835–1910) American Humorist
Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.
—George Orwell (1903–50) English Novelist, Journalist
Be not affronted at a jest; if one throw ever so much salt at thee thou wilt receive no harm unless thou art raw and ulcerous.
—Junius Unidentified English Writer
Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a “joke.”
—Ambrose Bierce (1842–1913) American Short-story Writer, Journalist
The reformer for whom the world is not good enough finds himself shoulder to shoulder with him that is not good enough for the world.
—George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950) Irish Playwright
That’s what makes us a great nation. We take the little things serious, and the big ones as a joke.
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist
I should stop myself from dying if a good joke or a good idea occurred to me
—Voltaire (1694–1778) French Philosopher, Author
His hilarity was like a scream from a crevasse.
—Graham Greene (1904–91) British Novelist, Playwright, Short Story Writer