Woody Allen (b.1935,) born Allen Stewart Konigsberg, legally Heywood Allen, is an American film director, writer, actor, and occasional jazz clarinetist. Allen is one of America’s most prominent filmmakers—his very personal films humorously explore themes that have always obsessed him: neurosis, sexual inadequacy, death, and the meaning of life. He once stated that his one regret in life is that he is not someone else.
Born in Brooklyn, New York City, Allen got expelled from both New York University and City College. He turned to a professional writing career, at first for television and comedians. In 1964, he decided to become a stand-up comedian himself. Performing in clubs and on television, he developed the persona of a neurotic eccentric in a sophisticated world. He made his film début scripting and acting in the popular What’s New, Pussycat? (1965.)
Allen’s movie projects were vehicles for his stand-up routines: Take the Money and Run (1969,) Bananas (1971,) Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex … But Were Afraid to Ask (1972,) Sleeper (1973,) and Love and Death (1975.)
Allen gained distinction with Annie Hall (1977,) which won Academy Awards for Best Director, Best Script, and Best Picture, and Manhattan (1979.) His subsequent films include Stardust Memories (1980,) Broadway Danny Rose (1984,) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986,) Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989,) Alice (1990,) Bullets over Broadway (1994,) Mighty Aphrodite (1995,) Everyone Says I Love You (1996,) and Midnight in Paris (2011.)
Allen’s celebrity extended to his off-screen life as well. He has been married two times previously, and had romantic relationships with actresses Stacey Nelkin, Diane Keaton, and Mia Farrow. In 1992, reports emerged that the 57-year-old Allen was having an affair with Farrow’s 21-year-old adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn—she became Allen’s third and current wife.
Allen’s notable works include Getting Even (1971,) The Complete Prose of Woody Allen (1992,) and Insanity Defense (2007.)
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by Woody Allen
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Gold
If it weren’t for problems, the work day would be over by 10 a.m.
—Woody Allen
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Philosophy
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Economy
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Unhappiness
I am at two with nature.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Nature
Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Time
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn’t be able to stop throwing up.
—Woody Allen
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Relationships
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Value of Time, Time Management
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
—Woody Allen
Topics: History
I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Intelligence, Intellectuals
My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Regret, Remorse, Disappointment
I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
—Woody Allen
It shows exactly what you can do if you’re a total psychotic.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Potential, Possibilities
If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Reality, Opportunities
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Reality
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Confidence
If you don’t fail now and again, it’s a sign you’re playing it safe.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Risk
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Blessings, Gratitude, Talent, Appreciation
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Humankind, Sex
If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
—Woody Allen
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing “Embraceable You” in spats.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Animals
I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Comedy, Art
In Beverly Hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Hollywood
When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back
—Woody Allen
Topics: Baseball
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Death
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better… while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Goodness, Vice, Sleep
Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock.
—Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government
—Woody Allen
Topics: Government
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