Inspirational Quotations

Inspirational Quotes by Woody Allen (American Film Actor, Director)

Woody Allen (b.1935,) born Allen Stewart Konigsberg, legally Heywood Allen, is an American film director, writer, actor, and occasional jazz clarinetist. Allen is one of America’s most prominent filmmakers—his very personal films humorously explore themes that have always obsessed him: neurosis, sexual inadequacy, death, and the meaning of life. He once stated that his one regret in life is that he is not someone else.

Born in Brooklyn, New York City, Allen got expelled from both New York University and City College. He turned to a professional writing career, at first for television and comedians. In 1964, he decided to become a stand-up comedian himself. Performing in clubs and on television, he developed the persona of a neurotic eccentric in a sophisticated world. He made his film début scripting and acting in the popular What’s New, Pussycat? (1965.)

Allen’s movie projects were vehicles for his stand-up routines: Take the Money and Run (1969,) Bananas (1971,) Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex … But Were Afraid to Ask (1972,) Sleeper (1973,) and Love and Death (1975.)

Allen gained distinction with Annie Hall (1977,) which won Academy Awards for Best Director, Best Script, and Best Picture, and Manhattan (1979.) His subsequent films include Stardust Memories (1980,) Broadway Danny Rose (1984,) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986,) Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989,) Alice (1990,) Bullets over Broadway (1994,) Mighty Aphrodite (1995,) Everyone Says I Love You (1996,) and Midnight in Paris (2011.)

Allen’s celebrity extended to his off-screen life as well. He has been married two times previously, and had romantic relationships with actresses Stacey Nelkin, Diane Keaton, and Mia Farrow. In 1992, reports emerged that the 57-year-old Allen was having an affair with Farrow’s 21-year-old adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn—she became Allen’s third and current wife.

Allen’s notable works include Getting Even (1971,) The Complete Prose of Woody Allen (1992,) and Insanity Defense (2007.)

More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by Woody Allen

Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Fun

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Government

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Women

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Humankind, Sex

Sex relieves tension – love causes it.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Sex

If you’re not failing, you’re not trying anything.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Failures, Mistakes

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Feelings, Love

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
—Woody Allen

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Time

My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Regret, Remorse, Disappointment

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Unhappiness

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Getting Going, Inaction, Procrastination, Success, Success & Failure

What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
—Woody Allen
Topics: Dreams

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
—Woody Allen
Topics: School

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn’t be able to stop throwing up.
—Woody Allen

It shows exactly what you can do if you’re a total psychotic.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Possibilities, Potential

I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Comedy, Art

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better… while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Vice, Sleep, Goodness

Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock.
—Woody Allen

Morale still seems reasonably high- and while the desertion rate has risen, it is still limited to those who can walk.
—Woody Allen

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
—Woody Allen
Topics: History

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought—particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Space, Science

The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won’t get much sleep..
—Woody Allen
Topics: Marriage

It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Dying, Death

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Marriage

If it weren’t for problems, the work day would be over by 10 a.m.
—Woody Allen

Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
—Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Body, Fun, Man, Mankind, The Body

Marriage is the death of hope.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Marriage

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Philosophy

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