Woody Allen (b.1935,) born Allen Stewart Konigsberg, legally Heywood Allen, is an American film director, writer, actor, and occasional jazz clarinetist. Allen is one of America’s most prominent filmmakers—his very personal films humorously explore themes that have always obsessed him: neurosis, sexual inadequacy, death, and the meaning of life. He once stated that his one regret in life is that he is not someone else.
Born in Brooklyn, New York City, Allen got expelled from both New York University and City College. He turned to a professional writing career, at first for television and comedians. In 1964, he decided to become a stand-up comedian himself. Performing in clubs and on television, he developed the persona of a neurotic eccentric in a sophisticated world. He made his film début scripting and acting in the popular What’s New, Pussycat? (1965.)
Allen’s movie projects were vehicles for his stand-up routines: Take the Money and Run (1969,) Bananas (1971,) Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex … But Were Afraid to Ask (1972,) Sleeper (1973,) and Love and Death (1975.)
Allen gained distinction with Annie Hall (1977,) which won Academy Awards for Best Director, Best Script, and Best Picture, and Manhattan (1979.) His subsequent films include Stardust Memories (1980,) Broadway Danny Rose (1984,) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986,) Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989,) Alice (1990,) Bullets over Broadway (1994,) Mighty Aphrodite (1995,) Everyone Says I Love You (1996,) and Midnight in Paris (2011.)
Allen’s celebrity extended to his off-screen life as well. He has been married two times previously, and had romantic relationships with actresses Stacey Nelkin, Diane Keaton, and Mia Farrow. In 1992, reports emerged that the 57-year-old Allen was having an affair with Farrow’s 21-year-old adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn—she became Allen’s third and current wife.
Allen’s notable works include Getting Even (1971,) The Complete Prose of Woody Allen (1992,) and Insanity Defense (2007.)
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
—Woody Allen
Topics: Dreams
Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Time
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Death
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Sex
Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Fun
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Blessings, Talent, Appreciation, Gratitude
If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Opportunities, Reality
In Beverly Hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Hollywood
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn’t be able to stop throwing up.
—Woody Allen
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
—Woody Allen
If you don’t fail now and again, it’s a sign you’re playing it safe.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Risk
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Reality
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Relationships
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Revolution
If it weren’t for problems, the work day would be over by 10 a.m.
—Woody Allen
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing “Embraceable You” in spats.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Animals
Show business is not so much ‘dog eats dog’ as ‘dog doesn’t return other dog’s phone calls.’
—Woody Allen
Morale still seems reasonably high- and while the desertion rate has risen, it is still limited to those who can walk.
—Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
—Woody Allen
Topics: History
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Mankind, Fun, The Body, Man, Body
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Crime
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Philosophy
I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Parents
When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back
—Woody Allen
Topics: Baseball
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Confidence
Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Fun
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
—Woody Allen
I am at two with nature.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Nature
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Fame, Immortality, Accomplishment, Achievement
My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Remorse, Regret, Disappointment
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
Carl Reiner American Comedian
Mel Brooks American Film Actor
Harvey Fierstein American Actor
Steven Spielberg American Film Director
Joan Rivers American Entertainer
Sylvester Stallone American Actor
Bette Midler American Actress, Singer
Kirk Douglas American Actor
Charlie Chaplin British Actor
Danny Kaye American Actor