I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
If it weren’t for problems, the work day would be over by 10 a.m.
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
I am at two with nature.
Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he wouldn’t be able to stop throwing up.
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
If you don’t fail now and again, it’s a sign you’re playing it safe.
If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing “Embraceable You” in spats.
In Beverly Hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Carl Reiner American Comedian
- Mel Brooks American Film Actor
- Harvey Fierstein American Actor
- Steven Spielberg American Film Director
- Joan Rivers American Entertainer
- Sylvester Stallone American Actor
- Bette Midler American Actress, Singer
- Kirk Douglas American Actor
- Charlie Chaplin British Actor
- Danny Kaye American Actor