Number one: Don’t frisk me. Don’t hurt me physically. Don’t get anywhere near my neck. And don’t call me Regis. Advice to his guests
—David Letterman
Topics: Advice
New York now leads the world’s great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move.
—David Letterman
Topics: Cities, City Life
Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
—David Letterman
Topics: Action, Doing Your Best
Al Gore has gained a lot of weight lately. Of course, unlike his former boss he only has to worry about getting into his own pants.
—David Letterman
Topics: Worry
There is no off position on the genius switch.
—David Letterman
There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.
—David Letterman
Topics: Criminals, Crime
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