God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain’t no time to be sane.
Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there’s a bowl of milk in it for them.
You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
There are no rules. Just follow your heart.
You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, and I guarantee you’ll win no matter the outcome.
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Whoopi Goldberg American Comedian
- W. C. Fields American Actor
- Phyllis Diller American Actor
- Steven Wright American Comedian
- Harrison Ford American Actor
- Dustin Hoffman American Actor
- Jimmy Fallon American Comedian
- Joan Rivers American Entertainer
- Jim Carrey Canadian Actor
- Jerry Seinfeld American Comedian