Inspirational Quotes by Phyllis Diller (American Actor)

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Humor

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Old Age

I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Fresh

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
—Phyllis Diller

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Pregnancy

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Anger

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Fighting, Anger

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Children, Snow, Housework

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Children, Just for Fun

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Golf

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Smiles, One liners, Now, Smile

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Christmas

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age—as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Marriage

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Children

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Parents

I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
—Phyllis Diller
Topics: Words

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