A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.
—Irish Proverb
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) (1818–85) American Humorist, Author, Lecturer
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
—Andy Rooney (b.1919) American Writer, Humorist, TV Personality
How many legs does a dog have, if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.
—Abraham Lincoln (1809–65) American Head of State
You may drive a dog off the King’s armchair, and it will climb into the preacher’s pulpit; he views the world unmoved, unembarrassed, unabashed.
—Jean de La Bruyere (1645–96) French Satiric Moralist, Author
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
—Ask Ann Landers (1918–2002) American Advice Columnist
The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.
—James Thurber
By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a noble animal?. The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward—you will never get her full confidence again.
—Mark Twain (1835–1910) American Humorist
The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.
—Winston Churchill (1874–1965) British Head of State, Political leader, Historian, Journalist, Author
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.
—Gilda Radner (1946–89) American Comedian, Actress
We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet; and amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog has made an alliance with us.
—Max De Pree (1924–2017) American Businessman
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
—Ogden Nash (1902–71) American Writer of Sophisticated Light Verse
Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell.
—Emily Dickinson (1830–86) American Poet
I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
—John Steinbeck (1902–68) American Novelist, Short Story Writer, Journalist
Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship.
—Ambrose Bierce (1842–1913) American Short-story Writer, Journalist
The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.
—Warren Bennis (1925–2014) American Business Academic, Author
The Belief that man is outfitted with an immortal soul, differing altogether from the engines which operate the lower animals, is ridiculously unjust to them. The difference between the smartest dog and the stupidest man
—H. L. Mencken (1880–1956) American Journalist, Literary Critic
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
—Alfred North Whitehead (1861–1947) English Mathematician, Philosopher
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
—Bernard Williams (1929–2003) English Philosopher
The dog is a religious animal. In his savage state he worships the moon and the lights that float upon the waters. These are his gods to whom he appeals at night with long-drawn howls.
—Anatole France (1844–1924) French Novelist
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
—Andy Rooney (b.1919) American Writer, Humorist, TV Personality
I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
—Aldous Huxley (1894–1963) English Humanist, Pacifist, Essayist, Short Story Writer, Satirist
Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
—Smiley Blanton
The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic.
—Henry Ward Beecher (1813–87) American Clergyman, Writer
Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.
—Agatha Christie (1890–1976) British Novelist, Short-Story Writer, Playwright
A dog with two homes is never any good
—Irish Proverb
The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
—Samuel Butler
Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.
—Holbrook Jackson (1874–1948) British Journalist, Writer, Publisher
In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.
—Edward Hoagland (b.1932) American Essayist, Novelist
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
—Christopher Morley (1890–1957) American Novelist, Essayist
Extraordinary creature! So close a friend, and yet so remote.
—Thomas Mann (1875–1955) German Novelist, Short Story Writer, Social Critic, Philanthropist, Essayist
The meeting in the open of two dogs, strangers to each other, is one of the most painful, thrilling, and pregnant of all conceivable encounters; it is surrounded by an atmosphere of the last canniness, presided over by a constraint for which I have no precise name; they simply cannot pass each other, their mutual embarrassment is frightful to behold.
—Thomas Mann (1875–1955) German Novelist, Short Story Writer, Social Critic, Philanthropist, Essayist
Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
—Franklin P. Jones
Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
—Alexander Pope (1688–1744) English Poet
My little dog – a heartbeat at my feet.
—Edith Wharton (1862–1937) American Novelist, Short-story Writer
Who loves me will love my dog also.
—Common Proverb
I always disliked dogs, those protectors of cowards who lack the courage to fight an assailant themselves.
—August Strindberg (1849–1912) Swedish Playwright, Novelist, Essayist
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s
—Mark Twain (1835–1910) American Humorist
A really companionable and indispensable dog is an accident of nature. You can’t get it by breeding for it, and you can’t buy it with money. It just happens along.
—E. B. White (1985–99) American Essayist, Humorist
You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.
—Robert Louis Stevenson (1850–94) Scottish Novelist
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.
—Alphonse de Lamartine (1790–1869) French Poet, Politician, Historian
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
—Anonymous
If there was any petting to be done…he chose to do it. Often he would sit looking at me, and then, moved by a delicate affection, come and pull at my coat and sleeve until he could touch my face with his nose, and then go away contented.
—Charles Dudley Warner (1829–1900) American Essayist, Novelist
Happiness is a warm puppy.
—Charles M. Schulz (1922–2000) American Cartoonist, Writer, Artist