Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
—Stephen Leacock (1869–1944) Canadian Political Scientist, Humorist
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
—Michel de Montaigne (1533–92) French Essayist
The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don’t die at all — he sort of rots away, like a pollywog’s tail.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward) (1834–67) American Humorist, Writer
Marriage is a very sea of calls and claims, which have but little to do with love.
—Henrik Ibsen (1828–1906) Norwegian Playwright
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.
—John Lyly (1554–1606) English Dramatist, Novelist, Writer
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
—Woody Allen (b.1935) American Film Actor, Director
Each coming together of man and wife, even if they have been mated for many years, should be a fresh adventure; each winning should necessitate a fresh wooing.
—Marie Stopes (1880–1958) British Author, Social Activist
Marriage is socialism among two people.
—Barbara Ehrenreich (b.1941) American Social Critic, Essayist
Marrying to increase love is like gaming to become rich; alas, you only lose what little stock you had before.
—William Wycherley (c.1640–1716) English Dramatist
Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she’s a householder.
—Thornton Wilder (1897–1975) American Novelist, Playwright
Marriage is a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred.
—William O. Douglas (1898–1980) American Judge
In almost every marriage there is a selfish and an unselfish partner. A pattern is set up and soon becomes inflexible, of one person always making the demands and one person always giving way.
—Iris Murdoch (1919–99) British Novelist, Playwright, Philosopher
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
—Emily Bronte (1818–48) English Novelist, Poet
Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
—William Congreve (1670–1729) English Playwright, Poet
The Don Juans among men and the light-o’-loves among women are afraid of marriage.
—Alfred Adler (1870–1937) Austrian Psychiatrist
It is better to be unfaithful than faithful without wanting to be.
—Brigitte Bardot (b.1934) French Film Star
The kindest and the happiest pair, will find occasion to forbear; find something every day they live, to pity, and perhaps forgive.
—William Cowper (1731–1800) English Anglican Poet, Hymn writer
Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together, if ever we had been married? Baggage!
—John Gay (1685–1732) English Poet, Dramatist
That is ever the way. ‘Tis all jealousy to the bride and good wishes to the corpse.
—J. M. Barrie (1860–1937) Scottish Novelist, Dramatist
The concerts you enjoy together, neighbors you annoy together, children you destroy together, that make marriage a joy.
—Stephen Sondheim (b.1930) American Musician, Composer, Songwriter
Come live with me, and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove.
—Christopher Marlowe (1564–93) English Playwright, Poet, Translator
Those men are most apt to be obsequious and conciliating abroad, who are under the discipline of shrews at home.
—Washington Irving (1783–1859) American Essayist, Biographer, Historian
There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
—Homer (751–651 BCE) Ancient Greek Poet
We must do our business faithfully, without trouble or disquiet, recalling our mind to God mildly, and with tranquility, as often as we find it wandering from him.
—Brother Lawrence (1614–91) French Carmelite Monk, Writer
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.
—Jean Kerr (1922–2003) Irish-American Author, Playwright
Marriage is the torment of one, the felicity of two, the strife and enmity of three.
—Washington Irving (1783–1859) American Essayist, Biographer, Historian
Marriage isn’t a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
—P. G. Wodehouse (1881–1975) British Novelist, Short-story Writer, Playwright
‘Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.
—Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751–1816) Irish-born British Playwright, Poet, Elected Rep
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
—Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) American Comedian, TV Personality, Actor
So that ends my first experience of matrimony, which I always thought a highly over-rated performance.
—Isadora Duncan (1877–1927) American Dancer, Choreographer
Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
—Ambrose Bierce (1842–1913) American Short-story Writer, Journalist
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?
—Barbra Streisand (b.1942) American Musician, Actor, Songwriter
Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins.
—Laozi (fl.6th Century BCE) Chinese Philosopher, Sage
I know the sum of all that makes a man — a just man — happy, consists in the well choosing of his wife; and then well to discharge it, does require equality of years, of birth, of fortune.
—Philip Massinger (1583–1640) English Playwright
Marriage! Nothing else demands so much from a man!
—Henrik Ibsen (1828–1906) Norwegian Playwright
Many a promising career has been wrecked by marrying the wrong sort of woman. The right sort of woman can distinguish between Creative Lassitude and plain shiftlessness.
—Robertson Davies (1913–95) Canadian Novelist, Playwright, Essayist
In your power, all the same. Subject to your will and your demands. No longer free! No! That’s a thought I’ll never endure! Never.
—Henrik Ibsen (1828–1906) Norwegian Playwright
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
—Ogden Nash (1902–71) American Writer of Sophisticated Light Verse
I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.
—Sylvia Plath (1932–63) American Poet, Novelist
To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.
—Simone de Beauvoir (1908–86) French Philosopher, Writer, Feminist
Quarrels are the dowry which married folk bring one another.
—Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso) (c.43 BCE–c.18 CE) Roman Poet
The sum and substance of female education in America, as in England, is training women to consider marriage as the sole object in life, and to pretend that they do not think so.
—Harriet Martineau (1802–76) English Sociologist, Economist, Essayist, Philosopher
For any man to match above his rank, is but to sell his liberty.
—Philip Massinger (1583–1640) English Playwright
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
—Robert Frost (1874–1963) American Poet
Be to her virtues very kind,
Be to her faults a little blind.
—Matthew Prior (1664–1721) English Poet, Diplomat
Grief walks upon the heels of pleasure; married in haste, we repent at leisure.
—William Congreve (1670–1729) English Playwright, Poet
Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
—Ogden Nash (1902–71) American Writer of Sophisticated Light Verse
Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
—Oscar Wilde (1854–1900) Irish Poet, Playwright
In the opinion of the world marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. — The truth is precisely the reverse; it begins all.
—Sophie Swetchine (1782–1857) Russian Mystic, Writer
Marriage has a biological basis, and would be far more often a success if its biology were generally understood and the knowledge acted upon.
—J. B. S. Haldane (1892–1964) British Biologist, Geneticist
When two people marry they become in the eyes of the law one person, and that one person is the husband.
—Shana Alexander (1925–2005) American Journalist, Editor, Author
The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart.
—Josiah Gilbert Holland (1819–81) American Editor, Novelist
His purity was too great, his aspiration too high for this poor, miserable world! His great soul is now only enjoying that for which it was worthy!
—Queen Victoria (1819–1901) British Royal
A marriage is no amusement but a solemn act, and generally a sad one.
—Queen Victoria (1819–1901) British Royal
Marriage was all a woman’s idea and for man’s acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful.
—Phyllis McGinley (1905–78) American Children’s Books Writer, Poet, Writer of Children’s Books
He’s a fool that marries, but he’s a greater that does not marry a fool; what is wit in a wife good for, but to make a man a cuckold?
—William Wycherley (c.1640–1716) English Dramatist
You know I won’t turn over a new leaf I am so obstinate, but then I am no less obstinate in being your affectionate Husband.
—William Hogarth (1697–1764) English Painter, Engraver
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.
—Honore de Balzac (1799–1850) French Novelist
Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919–2016) Hungarian-born Film Actress
A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.
—Pearl S. Buck (1892–1973) American Novelist, Human Rights Activist
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
—Henry L. Stimson (1867–1950) American Political leader, Military Leader, Lawyer
I think people really marry far too much; it is such a lottery after all, and for a poor woman a very doubtful happiness.
—Queen Victoria (1819–1901) British Royal
Two human loves make one divine.
—Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–61) English Poet
I’ve never yet met a man who could look after me. I don’t need a husband. What I need is a wife.
—Joan Collins (b.1933) English Actress
Rituals are important. Nowadays it’s hip not to be married. I’m not interested in being hip.
—John Lennon (1940–80) British Singer, Songwriter, Musician, Activist
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won’t get much sleep..
—Woody Allen (b.1935) American Film Actor, Director
I leave before being left. I decide.
—Brigitte Bardot (b.1934) French Film Star
A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises.
—Andre Maurois (1885–1967) French Novelist, Biographer
A princely marriage is the brilliant edition of a universal fact, and, as such, it rivets mankind.
—Walter Bagehot (1826–77) English Economist, Journalist
You cannot weld cake-dough to cast iron, nor a girl to an old man.
—Austin O’Malley (1858–1932) American Aphorist, Ophthalmologist
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
—Ogden Nash (1902–71) American Writer of Sophisticated Light Verse
Adam knew Eve his wife and she conceived. It is a pity that this is still the only knowledge of their wives at which some men seem to arrive.
—F. H. Bradley (1846–1924 ) British Idealist Philosopher
Marriage is the strictest tie of perpetual friendship, and there can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity, and he must expect to be wretched, who pays to beauty, riches, or politeness that regard which only virtue and piety can claim.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
In that second it dawned on me that I had been living here for eight years with a strange man and had borne him three children.
—Henrik Ibsen (1828–1906) Norwegian Playwright
I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married.
—Queen Elizabeth I (1533–1603) British Monarch
They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.
—Alexander Pope (1688–1744) English Poet
Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
—J. R. R. Tolkien (1892–1973) British Scholar, Author
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
—Charles de Gaulle (1890–1970) French General, Statesman
When the blind lead the blind, no wonder they both fall into — matrimony.
—George Farquhar (1677–1707) Irish Dramatist
Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
The last word is the most dangerous of infernal machines, and the husband and wife should no more fight to get it than they would struggle for the possession of a lighted bombshell.
—Douglas William Jerrold (1803–57) English Writer, Dramatist, Wit
How many young hearts have revealed the fact that what they had been trained to imagine the highest earthly felicity was but the beginning of care, disappointment, and sorrow, and often led to the extremity of mental and physical suffering.
—Catharine Beecher American Educationalist, Reformer
Sometimes it was worth all the disadvantages of marriage just to have that: one friend in an indifferent world
—Erica Jong (b.1942) American Novelist, Feminist
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
—Martin Luther (1483–1546) German Protestant Theologian
There is a rhythm to the ending of a marriage just like the rhythm of a courtship –only backward. You try to start again but get into blaming over and over. Finally you are both worn out, exhausted, hopeless. Then lawyers are called in to pick clean the corpses. The death has occurred much earlier.
—Erica Jong (b.1942) American Novelist, Feminist
Can you support the expense of a husband, hussy, in gaming, drinking and whoring? Have you money enough to carry on the daily quarrels of man and wife about who shall squander most?
—John Gay (1685–1732) English Poet, Dramatist
Whether by design or accident, the fact remains that, with one small exception, no girl with a fancy Christian name has ever diverted the eye of a President of the United States to the matrimonial altar.
—George Jean Nathan (1882–1958) American Drama Critic, Editor
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
—Albert Einstein (1879–1955) German-born Physicist
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
—Isadora Duncan (1877–1927) American Dancer, Choreographer
The only cure for love is marriage.
—Irish Proverb
Wedlock’s like wine, not properly judged of till the second glass.
—Douglas William Jerrold (1803–57) English Writer, Dramatist, Wit
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869–1948) Indian Hindu Political leader
When I think of a merry, happy, free young girl — and look at the ailing, aching state a young wife generally is doomed to — which you can’t deny is the penalty of marriage.
—Queen Victoria (1819–1901) British Royal
Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family –a domestic church.
—Pope John Paul II (1920–2005) Polish Catholic Religious Leader
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
—Agatha Christie (1890–1976) British Novelist, Short-Story Writer, Playwright
The curse which lies upon marriage is that too often the individuals are joined in their weakness rather than in their strength –each asking from the other instead of finding pleasure in giving. It is even more deceptive to dream of gaining through the child a plenitude, a warmth, a value, which one is unable to create for oneself; the child brings joy only to the woman who is capable of disinterestedly desiring the happiness of another, to one who without being wrapped up in self seeks to transcend her own existence.
—Simone de Beauvoir (1908–86) French Philosopher, Writer, Feminist
There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.
—Ogden Nash (1902–71) American Writer of Sophisticated Light Verse
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age — as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
—Phyllis Diller (b.1917) American Actor, Comedian
Being married gives one one’s position like nothing else can.
—Queen Victoria (1819–1901) British Royal
The best part of married life is the fights. The rests is merely so.
—Thornton Wilder (1897–1975) American Novelist, Playwright
Say what you will, making marriage work is a woman’s business. The institution was invented to do her homage; it was contrived for her protection. Unless she accepts it as such –as a beautiful, bountiful, but quite unequal association –the going will be hard indeed.
—Phyllis McGinley (1905–78) American Children’s Books Writer, Poet, Writer of Children’s Books
In the perfect wedlock, the man, I should say, is the head, but the woman the heart, with which he cannot dispense.
—Friedrich Ruckert (1788–1866) German Poet, Translator
Pleasant the snaffle of courtship, improving the manners and carriage; but the colt who is wise will abstain from the terrible throw bit of Marriage.
—Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936) British Children’s Books Writer, Short story, Novelist, Poet, Journalist
Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem.
—G. K. Chesterton (1874–1936) English Journalist, Novelist, Essayist, Poet
Marriage is one long conversation, checkered by disputes.
—Robert Louis Stevenson (1850–94) Scottish Novelist
I wonder, among all the tangles of this mortal coil, which one contains tighter knots to undo, and consequently suggests more tugging, and pain, and diversified elements of misery, than the marriage tie.
—Edith Wharton (1862–1937) American Novelist, Short-story Writer
I hate to be a failure. I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.
—J. Paul Getty (1892–1976) American Business Person, Art Collector, Philanthropist
We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It’s called love.
—Gene Perret
Progress is the law of life; man is not a man as yet.
—Robert Browning (1812–89) English Poet
Every time a woman makes herself laugh at her husband’s often-told jokes she betrays him. The man who looks at his woman and says “What would I do without you?” is already destroyed.
—Germaine Greer (b.1939) Australia Academic, Journalist, Scholar, Writer
I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919–2016) Hungarian-born Film Actress
The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.
—Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (1929–94 ) American First Lady
The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.
—Gabriel Garcia Marquez (1927–2014) Colombian Novelist, Short-Story Writer
We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a “getaway.” We cannot love and be limited.
—Alfred Adler (1870–1937) Austrian Psychiatrist
Matrimonial devotion doesn’t seem to suit her notion.
—W. S. Gilbert (1836–1911) English Dramatist, Librettist, Poet, Illustrator
Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution?
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
Try to take for a mate a person of your own neighborhood.
—Hesiod (f.700 BCE) Greek Poet
Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a muddy horse pond.
—Thomas Love Peacock (1785–1866) English Satirist, Novelist, Author
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
—Erica Jong (b.1942) American Novelist, Feminist
Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom they do not love, they must love those whom they do not marry.
—Harriet Martineau (1802–76) English Sociologist, Economist, Essayist, Philosopher
Husbands and wives talk of the cares of matrimony, and bachelors and spinsters bear them.
—Wilkie Collins English Novelist, Playwright
From my experience, not one in twenty marries the first love; we build statues of snow, and weep to see them melt.
—Walter Scott (1771–1832) Scottish Novelist, Poet, Playwright, Lawyer
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
Mrs. Van Daan’s grizzling is absolutely unbearable; now she can’t any longer drive us crazy over the invasion, she nags us the whole day long about the bad weather. It really would be nice to dump her in a bucket of cold water and put her up in the loft.
—Anne Frank (1929–45) Holocaust Victim
A marriage based on full confidence, based on complete and unqualified frankness on both sides; they are not keeping anything back; there’s no deception underneath it all. If I might so put it, it’s an agreement for the mutual forgiveness of sin.
—Henrik Ibsen (1828–1906) Norwegian Playwright
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919–2016) Hungarian-born Film Actress
By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
—Socrates (469BCE–399BCE) Ancient Greek Philosopher
A woman asking “Am I good? Am I satisfied?” is extremely selfish. The less women fuss about themselves, the less they talk to other women, the more they try to please their husbands, the happier the marriage is going to be.
—Barbara Cartland (1901–2000) English Popular Romantic Novelist
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
—Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) American Comedian, TV Personality, Actor