If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.
—H. L. Mencken (1880–1956) American Journalist, Literary Critic
Marriage, it seems, confines every man to his proper rank.
—Jean de La Bruyere (1645–96) French Satiric Moralist, Author
Constancy… that small change of love, which people exact so rigidly, receive in such counterfeit coin, and repay in baser metal.
—Lord Byron (George Gordon Byron) (1788–1824) English Romantic Poet
As the husband is, the wife is; if mated with a clown, the grossness of his nature will have weight to drag thee down.
—Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809–92) British Poet
The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
—Bill Cosby (b.1937) American Actor, Comedian, Activist, Producer, Author
The bitterest creature under heaven is the wife who discovers that her husband’s bravery is only bravado, that his strength is only a uniform, that his power is but a gun in the hands of a fool.
—Pearl S. Buck (1892–1973) American Novelist, Human Rights Activist
Marry a mountain girl and you marry the whole mountain.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
—Milton Berle (1908–2002) American Comedian, Actor
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes.
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren’t.
—Sacha Guitry (1885–1957) Russian-born French Actor, Dramatist
One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing them; or rather there is one face which you can still see the same, through all the shadows which years have gathered upon it.
—George MacDonald (1824–1905) Scottish Novelist, Lecturer, Poet
I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919–2016) Hungarian-born Film Actress
By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
—Socrates (469BCE–399BCE) Ancient Greek Philosopher
We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a “getaway.” We cannot love and be limited.
—Alfred Adler (1870–1937) Austrian Psychiatrist
Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles.
—Henry Ward Beecher (1813–87) American Clergyman, Writer
Marriage is the strictest tie of perpetual friendship, and there can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity, and he must expect to be wretched, who pays to beauty, riches, or politeness that regard which only virtue and piety can claim.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
The last word is the most dangerous of infernal machines, and the husband and wife should no more fight to get it than they would struggle for the possession of a lighted bombshell.
—Douglas William Jerrold (1803–57) English Writer, Dramatist, Wit
There is a rhythm to the ending of a marriage just like the rhythm of a courtship—only backward. You try to start again but get into blaming over and over. Finally you are both worn out, exhausted, hopeless. Then lawyers are called in to pick clean the corpses. The death has occurred much earlier.
—Erica Jong (b.1942) American Novelist, Feminist
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
—Charles Baudelaire (1821–67) French Poet, Art Critic, Essayist, Translator
One was never married. and that’s his hell; another is, and that’s his plague.
—Robert Burton (1577–1640) English Scholar, Clergyman
A marriage based on full confidence, based on complete and unqualified frankness on both sides; they are not keeping anything back; there’s no deception underneath it all. If I might so put it, it’s an agreement for the mutual forgiveness of sin.
—Henrik Ibsen (1828–1906) Norwegian Playwright
A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
—Joseph Addison (1672–1719) English Essayist, Poet, Playwright, Politician
I believe marriages would in general be as happy, and often more so, if they were all made by the Lord Chancellor, upon a due consideration of the characters and circumstances, without the parties having any choice in the matter.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.
—Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) German Philosopher
If I was your wife Sir, I’d poison you! Madam, if you were my wife, I’d let you!
—Winston Churchill (1874–1965) British Head of State, Political leader, Historian, Journalist, Author
A man finds himself seven years older the day after his marriage.
—Francis Bacon (1561–1626) English Philosopher
The horror of wedlock, the most appalling, the most loathsome of all the bonds humankind has devised for its own discomfort and degradation.
—Marquis de Sade (1740–1814) French Political leader, Revolutionary, Novelist, Poet, Critic
You’ll repent if you marry, and repent if you don’t.
Marriage isn’t a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
—P. G. Wodehouse (1881–1975) British Novelist, Short-story Writer, Playwright