P. J. O’Rourke (1947–2022,) fully Patrick Jake O’Rourke, was an American journalist, political satirist, and essayist. He was recognized for his political humor in books such as Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind’s Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer (1992) and Peace Kills: America’s Fun New Imperialism (2004.)
Born in Toledo, Ohio, O’Rourke had a conservative rearing. He began his writing life in the 1960s as a “left-leaning hippie” and “went from being a Republican to being a Maoist, then back to being a Republican.” O’Rourke was a leading libertarian satirist and journalist. He initially wrote for underground newspapers, moving in 1972 to the National Lampoon, where he was editor-in-chief 1978–81. O’Rourke also wrote for The Atlantic Monthly, The American Spectator, The Weekly Standard, and The Daily Beast.
O’Rourke was the author of Republican Party Reptile (1987,) Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government (1991,) Give War a Chance (1992,) and How the Hell Did This Happen? The Election of 2016 (2017.)
All the Trouble in the World (1994) examined contemporary political concerns such as global warming and famine from a libertarian perspective. Holidays in Hell (1989) is a collection of travel writing in which O’Rourke visited war zones and other trouble spots around the world. Its sequel, Holidays in Heck (2011,) chronicles his travels to places like Galapagos and Disneyland. He was a longtime panelist on the NPR show Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!.
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by P. J. O’Rourke
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: One liners, Government
One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it’s remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver’s license.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Responsibility
You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Giving, The Poor, Poverty
Majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But—like other precious, sacred things, such as the home and the family—it’s not only worth dying for; it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stonewashed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And—since women are a majority of the population—we’d all be married to Mel Gibson.
—P. J. O’Rourke
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Eating
Traffic is like a bad dog. It isn’t important to look both ways when crossing the street. It’s important to not show fear.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Fear
Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Welfare
In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Presidency
You’ll notice that the term ‘morale’ is never used except in reference to soldiers or people in analogous positions, such as employees of large corporations or prison inmates.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Golf
Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated—serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: News
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
—P. J. O’Rourke
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Children, Funny quotes
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Parents
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Politics
The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life—this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Government
Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don’t need any of those things.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Manners
Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Politicians, Politics
Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it’s not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Optimism
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Government
People shouldn’t be treated like objects. They aren’t that valuable.
—P. J. O’Rourke
There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you’re 18.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Identity, Stupidity
Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who’s out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: America
Never fight an inanimate object.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Angels
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Drugs, Ignorance
People are all exactly alike. There’s no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we’d be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: People
In the end we beat them with Levi 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of Communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they’re lunch, and we’re number one on the planet.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Socialism, Communism
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the sources of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Drugs
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