I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Exercise
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door—or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Optimism, Adversity
You have to laugh and cry over and over again with someone before you feel comfortable.
—Joan Rivers
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property”.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Property
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes—and six months later you have to start all over again.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Home, Housework
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly—hurt, bitterness, grief, and, mostof all, fear.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Anger
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Thinking
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Girls, Comedy
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: America
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Comedy
Can we talk?
—Joan Rivers
Topics: Conversation
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