What we choose to ask, when we ask, what our underlying attitude is as we ask—all are key to relationship building, to communication, and to task performance.
—Edgar Schein
Don’t we all know how to ask questions? Of course we think we know how to ask, but we fail to notice how often even our questions are just another form of telling—rhetorical or just testing whether what we think is right. We are biased toward telling instead of asking because we live in a pragmatic, problem-solving culture in which knowing things and telling others what we know is valued.
—Edgar Schein
In building the helping relationship, encouragement—via positive reinforcement—certainly seems appropriate. But if it is not sensitively handled, such encouragement can quickly become patronizing and insulting. My
—Edgar Schein
Telling is only an investment if you know for sure that what you are telling is of value to the other person. That is why it is safest to tell only if you have been asked, rather than arrogantly deciding on your own to tell somebody something.
—Edgar Schein
One of the best mechanisms that founders, leaders, managers, or even colleagues have available for communicating what they believe in or care about is what they systematically pay attention to.
—Edgar Schein
Our wants and needs distort to an unknown degree what we perceive. We block out a great deal of information that is potentially available if it does not fit our needs, expectations, preconceptions, and prejudgments.
—Edgar Schein
Organizational cultures are created by leaders, and one of the decisive functions of leadership may well be the creation, the management, and–if and when that may become necessary–the destruction of culture.
—Edgar Schein
We must become better at asking and do less telling in a culture that overvalues telling. It has always bothered me how even ordinary conversations tend to be defined by what we tell rather than by what we ask. Questions are taken for granted rather than given a starring role in the human drama. Yet all my teaching and consulting experience has taught me that what builds a relationship, what solves problems, what moves things forward is asking the right questions.
—Edgar Schein
Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling and that the other person ought to know it.
—Edgar Schein
The point is that no matter what you do or don’t do, you are sending signals; you are intervening in the situation and therefore need to be mindful of that reality. Unless you are invisible you cannot help but communicate, so your choice of communication should be based on what kind of intervention you intend.
—Edgar Schein
Because of the difficulty and complexity of the problems, and because the client’s own view of what is going on is so important in the relationship, this also requires a great deal of humility in the consultant.
—Edgar Schein
Remember that the person requesting your help may feel uncomfortable, so make sure to ask what the client really wants and how you can best help.
—Edgar Schein
Most of my important lessons about life have come from recognizing how others from a different culture view things.
—Edgar Schein
If a client insists on getting a recommendation from you, always give him at least two alternatives so that he still has to make choice.
—Edgar Schein
The only thing of real importance that leaders do is to create and manage culture. If you do not manage culture, it manages you, and you may not even be aware of the extent to which this is happening.
—Edgar Schein
Social life is partly economics and partly theater.
—Edgar Schein
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