American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Americans
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Parents
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Leadership
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Dancing, Dance
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.
—Dave Barry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
—Dave Barry
A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason.
—Dave Barry
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you’re told.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Democracy
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Explanation
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
—Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Religion, Sharing
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Kindness
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
—Dave Barry
Topics: One liners
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Arguments
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Norman Mailer American Novelist, Journalist
- Lloyd Alexander American Writer
- Cynthia Ozick American Novelist, Essayist
- George R. R. Martin American Writer
- Joyce Carol Oates American Novelist
- Barbara Ehrenreich American Social Critic
- Andre Norton American Science Fiction Writer
- Hunter S. Thompson American Journalist
- Raymond Chandler American Novelist
- Thomas Wolfe American Novelist
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