American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Americans
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Kindness
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Religion, Sharing
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.
—Dave Barry
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Arguments
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you’re told.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Democracy
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Parents
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
—Dave Barry
Topics: One liners
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
—Dave Barry
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Explanation
A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason.
—Dave Barry
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
—Dave Barry
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Dance, Dancing
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
—Dave Barry
Topics: Leadership
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
Norman Mailer American Novelist, Journalist
Lloyd Alexander American Writer
Cynthia Ozick American Novelist, Essayist
George R. R. Martin American Writer
Joyce Carol Oates American Novelist
Barbara Ehrenreich American Social Critic
Andre Norton American Science Fiction Writer
Hunter S. Thompson American Journalist
Raymond Chandler American Novelist
Thomas Wolfe American Novelist