Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.
—Woodrow Wilson (1856–1924) American Head of State
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind
—Indian Proverb
It is a hopeless endeavour to unite the contrarieties of spring and winter; it is unjust to claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.
—Jack Nicklaus (b.1940) American Sportsperson
The worse you’re performing, the more you must work mentally and emotionally. The greatest and toughest art in golf is “playing badly well.” All the true greats have been masters at it.
—Jack Nicklaus (b.1940) American Sportsperson
I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105
—Bob Hope (1903–2003) British-born American Comedian
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball.
—Unknown
The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
—Indian Proverb
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist
Golf is like life in a lot of ways – All the biggest wounds are self-inflicted
—Bill Clinton (b.1946) American Head of State, Lawyer, Public Speaker
Golf is a sport in which the ball lies poorly but the player well
—Indian Proverb
One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.
—Indian Proverb
May thy ball lie in green pastures… and not in still waters.
—Unknown
Mulligan: invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty yard grounder.
—Jim Bishop (1907–87) American Journalist, Author
Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can’t putt.
—Jim Bishop (1907–87) American Journalist, Author
The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don’t really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
—Robert Browning (1812–89) English Poet
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
—Phyllis Diller (b.1917) American Actor, Comedian
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there
—Bob Hope (1903–2003) British-born American Comedian
After all, golf is only a game, said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don’t realise what they are saying.
—P. G. Wodehouse (1881–1975) British Novelist, Short-story Writer, Playwright
By the time you get dressed, drive out there, play 18 holes and come home, you’ve blown seven hours. There are better things you can do with your time
—Richard Nixon (1913–94) American Head of State, Lawyer
A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
—Unknown
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now
—Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890–1969) American Head of State, Military Leader
Focus on remedies, not faults.
—Jack Nicklaus (b.1940) American Sportsperson
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
—Tiger Woods (b.1975) American Sportsperson
Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you’re prepared to lose
—Pauline Phillips (Abigail van Buren) (b.1918) American Columnist
Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
—Indian Proverb
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
—Winston Churchill (1874–1965) British Head of State, Political leader, Historian, Journalist, Author
A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
—Unknown
Elderly gentlemen, gentle in all respects, kind to animals, beloved by children, and fond of music, are found in lonely corners of the downs, hacking at sandpits or tussocks of grass, and muttering in a blind, ungovernable fury elaborate maledictions which could not be extracted from them by robbery or murder. Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable.
—A. P. Herbert (1890–1971) English Humorist, Novelist, Playwright, Activist
The Green Bay Packers never lost a football game. They just ran out of time
—Vince Lombardi, Jr. (1913–70) American Football Player, Coach
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist
I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course.
—Tiger Woods (b.1975) American Sportsperson
In golf as in life it is the follow through that makes the difference.
—Unknown
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad
—A. A. Milne (1882–1956) British Humorist, Playwright, Children’s Writer
The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight
—Ben Hogan (1912–97) American Golfer
It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad
—Jack Nicklaus (b.1940) American Sportsperson
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
—Jim Bishop (1907–87) American Journalist, Author
We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs. He(Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot…At least he can’t cheat on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded
—Bob Hope (1903–2003) British-born American Comedian
If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there’s no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns
—Unknown
Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much
—Buddy Hackett (1924–2003) American Comedian, Actor
I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.
—Muhammad Ali (1942–2016) American Sportsperson
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf
—Indian Proverb
I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
—Ben Hogan (1912–97) American Golfer
Gone golfin’… be back dark thirty
—Unknown
I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for – getting paid for doing what you love.
—Tiger Woods (b.1975) American Sportsperson
Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play
—Unknown
The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps or the highest bar bills
—Indian Proverb
All is fair in love and golf.
—U.S. Proverb
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.
—Will Rogers (1879–1935) American Actor, Rancher, Humorist