Philosophy is a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Philosophy
Admiration is our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Praise, Admiration
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Childhood
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Integrity
Religion—a daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.—Impiety—your irreverence toward my deity.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Respect, Religion
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Certainty
Physician—One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Doctors
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Intelligence
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Voting
Pray. To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Prayer
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Happiness
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Cynicism
Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Weddings, Marriage
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Experience, Youth
The covers of this book are too far apart.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Critics, Criticism
Reconsider, v. To seek a justification for a decision already made.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Decision, Decisions
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Disappointment
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Philosophy, Philosophers, Science, Just for Fun
Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Diplomacy
A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Prejudice
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Justice
Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Enthusiasm
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Intelligence
Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Patience
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Diplomacy
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Affection
Woman absent is woman dead.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Absence
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Forgiveness, Mistakes
Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone and as irrational as a headless hen.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Patriotism
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
—Ambrose Bierce
Topics: Eating, Food, Perspective
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
Heywood Broun American Journalist
Arthur Brisbane American Editor
Shana Alexander American Journalist
Nathaniel Parker Willis American Poet, Playwright
Brenda Ueland American Journalist Memoirist
William Allen White American Editor
Marilyn Ferguson American Author
George Horace Lorimer American Editor
E. L. Doctorow American Writer
George Jean Nathan American Drama Critic