Inspirational Quotations

Inspirational Quotes by George Carlin (American Comedian)

George Carlin (1937–2008,) fully George Denis Patrick Carlin, is an iconic figure in American comedy, celebrated for his irreverent humor, insightful social commentary, and transformative contributions to the comedic landscape.

Born in New York City, Carlin’s early life was marked by adversity, notably the loss of his mother during his childhood. His foray into comedy began in the late 1950s, initially adopting a more conventional and clean-cut comedic style. However, his evolution into a counterculture icon occurred in the 1970s, marked by a shift toward a more outspoken and provocative approach to his material. His routine Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, delving into censorship and societal taboos, led to a landmark Supreme Court case in 1978, establishing the government’s authority to regulate indecent material on the airwaves.

Throughout the 1970s and 1980s, Carlin released a series of influential comedy albums, including Class Clown (1972,) Occupation: Foole (1973,) and A Place for My Stuff (1981.) His incisive wit and readiness to challenge societal norms positioned him as a countercultural hero, influencing a generation of comedians.

Carlin’s stand-up specials, such as Carlin at Carnegie (1983,) Carlin on Campus (1984,) and Jammin’ in New York (1992,) showcased his astute observations on language, religion, and the absurdities of everyday life. His ability to intertwine humor with social commentary garnered acclaim for his thought-provoking and often controversial insights.

Beyond stand-up, Carlin enjoyed success in television and film, with notable roles in movies like Bill Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) and Dogma (1999.) Hosting the first episode of Saturday Night Live in 1975 and having his own variety show, The George Carlin Show, in the early 1990s reflected his diverse contributions to entertainment.

His final HBO special, It’s Bad for Ya, aired shortly before his passing, earning the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album in 2009. Carlin’s memoir is Last Words (2009.)

More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by George Carlin

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
—George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
—George Carlin
Topics: Evil

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
—George Carlin
Topics: Thinking

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that …
—George Carlin
Topics: Dreams, Work

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I’m very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.
—George Carlin

I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
—George Carlin
Topics: Vegetarianism

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
—George Carlin
Topics: Audiences

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
—George Carlin
Topics: Weather

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.
—George Carlin
Topics: Safety

Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
—George Carlin

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.
—George Carlin
Topics: Baseball

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
—George Carlin
Topics: Ideals

Regarding jam sessions: Jazz musicians are the only workers I can think of who are willing to put in a full shift for pay and then go somewhere else and continue to work for free.
—George Carlin
Topics: Jazz

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
—George Carlin
Topics: Observation, Driving

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
—George Carlin
Topics: Death

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
—George Carlin
Topics: Smile

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
—George Carlin

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
—George Carlin
Topics: Housework

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
—George Carlin
Topics: Change

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.
—George Carlin
Topics: Weather

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
—George Carlin
Topics: Crime

Religion is just mind control.
—George Carlin
Topics: Religion

There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
—George Carlin
Topics: Future, Present, The Present

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
—George Carlin
Topics: Atheism, One liners, God

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
—George Carlin
Topics: Weather

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.
—George Carlin
Topics: Eating

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
—George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
—George Carlin
Topics: Belief

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.’
—George Carlin
Topics: War

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
—George Carlin
Topics: Atheism

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