The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.
There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.
Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people
Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it
A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.
If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.
Unhappiness is not knowing what we want, and killing ourselves to get it.
I wish I were either rich enough or poor enough to do a lot of things that are impossible in my present comfortable circumstances.
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.
Topics: Life and Living
Why resist temptation? There will always be more.
Conversation: The slowest form of human communication.
Don’t ever slam a door, you might want to go back.
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Sam Levenson American Humorist
- Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward) American Humorist
- Andy Rooney American Writer
- Don Marquis American Humorist, Journalist
- Thomas Masson American Journalist
- Robert Quillen American Journalist
- Mark Twain American Humorist
- Leo Rosten Russian-born American Humorist
- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) American Humorist
- Bill Bryson American Humorist