Charles Farrar Browne (1834–67) was a United States humor writer, better known under his nom de plume, Artemus Ward. At birth, his surname was “Brown”; he added the “e” after he became famous.
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When a fellow says it hain’t the money but the principle o’ the thing, it’s th’ money.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Money
He is dreadfully married. He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Marriage
Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come receive him as pleasantly as possible. Like the tax collector, he is a disagreeable chap to have in one’s house, but the more amiably you greet him the sooner he will go away.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Trouble, Acceptance
Im not a politician and my other habits are good. Ive no enemys to reward, nor friends to sponge. But Im a Union man.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Draw your salary before spending it.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Money
The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don’t die at all—he sort of rots away, like a pollywog’s tail.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Marriage
Let us all be happy, and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Money
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