Josh Billings (1818–85,) pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw, was an American humorist. His philosophical remarks, published as newspaper articles, books, and comic lectures, were widely popular after the Civil War, perhaps second only to Mark Twain. Shaw’s reputation has not endured so well with later generations.
Born in Lanesboro, Massachusetts, Shaw tried various livelihoods before becoming an auctioneer and a land agent in Poughkeepsie, New York. At age forty-five, he started contributing humorous columns to a local newspaper under the name “Josh Billings.” They didn’t appeal until he altered his style and began using phonetic spelling to signify a rural dialect. He changed an article he had written as “Essay on the Mule” to “A Essa on the Meul bi Josh Billings”—this was printed in a New York City newspaper and made him immediately well known.
A popular newspaper columnist, Shaw published lighthearted almanacs and collections of wisecracks. He relied heavily on purposeful misspelling, fractured grammar, malapropisms, futile logic, and anticlimax. This technique was widespread among contemporaneous comic writers who assumed the role of “cracker-barrel philosophers.”
Shaw’s popular books included Josh Billings, His Sayings (1866,) Josh Billings on Ice (1868,) Josh Billings’ Farmers’ Allminax (1870,) Everybody’s Friend (1874,) Josh Billings’ Trump Kards (1877,) Old Probability: Perhaps Rain—Perhaps Not (1879,) and Josh Billings Struggling with Things (1881.)
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Wickedness, Hypocrisy, Defects, Evil
It is always safe to follow the religious belief that our mother taught us; there never was a mother yet who taught her child to be an infidel.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Truth
Prejudice assumes the garb of reason, but the cheat is too thin.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Prejudice
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Wisdom
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Forgiveness, Revenge
It is not only the most difficult thing to know oneself, but the most inconvenient, too.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Self-Discovery, Awareness, Self-Knowledge
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Perseverance, Persistence, Patience, Ability, Usefullness
The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Prayer
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Perfection
A slander is like a hornet; if you can’t kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Insults
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Silence, Arguments, One liners
It’s not what we don’t know that prevents us from succeeding; it’s what we know that just ain’t so that is our greatest obstacle.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Now, Great
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Plagiarism, Accomplishment, Originality
It’s not only the most difficult thing to know one’s self, but the most inconvenient.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Self-Knowledge, Discovery, Identity, Self-Discovery
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Friends and Friendship
If it wasn’t for faith, there would be no living in this world; we couldn’t even eat hash with any safety.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Faith, Belief
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Dogs, Animals
The best condition in life is not to be so rich as to be envied nor so poor as to be damned.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Wealth
Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Vanity
We hate those who will not take our advice, and despise them who do.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Advice
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Victory
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Memory, Memories
There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Worry, Trouble
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Belief, Fools
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Fools, Profit, Foolishness
It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Forgiveness
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Experience
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Self-Esteem, Self Respect
I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Advice
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