Josh Billings (1818–85,) pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw, was an American humorist. His philosophical remarks, published as newspaper articles, books, and comic lectures, were widely popular after the Civil War, perhaps second only to Mark Twain. Shaw’s reputation has not endured so well with later generations.
Born in Lanesboro, Massachusetts, Shaw tried various livelihoods before becoming an auctioneer and a land agent in Poughkeepsie, New York. At age forty-five, he started contributing humorous columns to a local newspaper under the name “Josh Billings.” They didn’t appeal until he altered his style and began using phonetic spelling to signify a rural dialect. He changed an article he had written as “Essay on the Mule” to “A Essa on the Meul bi Josh Billings”—this was printed in a New York City newspaper and made him immediately well known.
A popular newspaper columnist, Shaw published lighthearted almanacs and collections of wisecracks. He relied heavily on purposeful misspelling, fractured grammar, malapropisms, futile logic, and anticlimax. This technique was widespread among contemporaneous comic writers who assumed the role of “cracker-barrel philosophers.”
Shaw’s popular books included Josh Billings, His Sayings (1866,) Josh Billings on Ice (1868,) Josh Billings’ Farmers’ Allminax (1870,) Everybody’s Friend (1874,) Josh Billings’ Trump Kards (1877,) Old Probability: Perhaps Rain—Perhaps Not (1879,) and Josh Billings Struggling with Things (1881.)
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain’t so.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Knowledge, Attitude
Take the selfishness out of this world and there would be more happiness than we should know what to do with.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Selfishness
Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Love
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Advice
When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Conversation, Eloquence
The happiest time in a man’s life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Business
Genius ain’t anything more than elegant common sense.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Genius
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way—yourself once in a while.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Parenting, Children
Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Weakness
Man was created a little lower than the angels, and has been getting lower ever since.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Angels, Creation
We hate those who will not take our advice, and despise them who do.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Advice
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I’d try a revolver first.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Music
It is always safe to follow the religious belief that our mother taught us; there never was a mother yet who taught her child to be an infidel.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Hypocrisy, Defects, Wickedness, Evil
I don’t care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Speaking, Speakers
It’s not what we don’t know that prevents us from succeeding; it’s what we know that just ain’t so that is our greatest obstacle.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Now, Great
About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Wealth, Riches
Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Power
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Charm
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Right, Conscience
Faith is the soul riding at anchor.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Faith, Belief
It is not only the most difficult thing to know oneself, but the most inconvenient, too.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Self-Knowledge, Awareness, Self-Discovery
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Worry, Anxiety
Most everyone seems willing to be a fool himself, but he can’t bear to have anyone else one.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Hypocrisy
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Aging, Age
There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Brevity, Words
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Time, Time Management, Spending time wisely
Prejudice assumes the garb of reason, but the cheat is too thin.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Prejudice
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Happiness
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Belief, Fools
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Self Respect, Self-Esteem
Don’t mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Happiness, Pleasure
It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Repentance, Forgiveness
Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Advice
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Feelings, Laughter
A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Travel
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Fools, Foolishness
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Poverty
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain’t got.
—Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Topics: Men & Women, Men, Women
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