A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
Topics: Cooperation, Help
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
An income tax form is like a laundry list-either way you lose your shirt.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
The world is a grindstone and life is your nose.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Condensed milk is wonderful. I don’t see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and—I can’t remember what the third thing is.
I don’t want to own anything that won’t fit into my coffin.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.
All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Garrison Keillor American Broadcaster, Writer
- Evelyn Waugh British Novelist, Satirist
- Thomas Masson American Journalist
- Robert Quillen American Journalist
- Mark Twain American Humorist
- Leo Rosten American Humorist
- Sam Levenson American Humorist
- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) American Humorist
- Bill Bryson American Humorist
- Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward) American Humorist