Inspirational Quotes by Fred Allen (American Humorist)

Inspirational Quotations by Fred Allen (American Humorist)

John Florence Sullivan (1894–1956,) known professionally as Fred Allen, was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically-pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio. His best-remembered gag was his long-running mock feud with friend and fellow comedian Jack Benny.

Source: Wikipedia (via CC-BY-SA license) • READ: Works by Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Pride

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Cities

I don’t want to own anything that won’t fit into my coffin.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Contentment

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
—Fred Allen

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Dreams

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
—Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Christianity

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Religion

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and — I can’t remember what the third thing is.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Memory

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Life

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Fashion

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Television

Television is the triumph of machine over people.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Television

A gentleman is any man who wouldn’t hit a woman with his hat on.
—Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They’re afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Pride

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Cooperation

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
—Fred Allen

All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Ignorance

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Exercise

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Advertising

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
—Fred Allen

I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Women

An income tax form is like a laundry list-either way you lose your shirt.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Taxes

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
—Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Business

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don’t see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Eating

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Travel

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Fame

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Cities

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.
—Fred Allen
Topics: Family