Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution?
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men—the other 999 follow women.
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
Topics: Authors & Writing, Autobiography
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
I don’t care to join any club that’s prepared to have me as a member.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
I’ve had a wonderful evening – but this wasn’t it.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
I won’t belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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