I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining.
—Groucho Marx (1890–1977) American Actor, Comedian, Singer
If one could only teach the English how to talk and the Irish how to listen, society would be quite civilized.
—Oscar Wilde (1854–1900) Irish Poet, Playwright
There is nothing so bad or so good that you will not find an Englishman doing it; but you will never find an Englishman in the wrong. He does everything on principle. He fights you on patriotic principles; he robs you on business principles; he enslaves you on imperial principles.
—George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950) Irish Playwright
It is a curious fact about British Islanders, who hate drill and have not been invaded for nearly a thousand years, that as danger comes nearer and grows they become progressively less nervous; when it is imminent the are fierce, when it is mortal they are fearless.
—Winston Churchill (1874–1965) British Head of State, Political leader, Historian, Journalist, Author
We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one of its periodic fits of morality.
—Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay (1800–59) English Historian, Essayist, Philanthropist
The English are proud; the French are vain.
—Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712–78) Swiss-born French Philosopher
Oats: a grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
The lowest and vilest alleys of London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside.
—Arthur Conan Doyle (1859–1930) Scottish Writer
An Anglo-Saxon, Hinnissy, is a German that’s forgot who was his parents.
—Finley Peter Dunne (1867–1936) American Author, Writer, Humorist
The difference between the vanity of a Frenchman and an Englishman is this: The one thinks everything right that is French, while the other thinks everything wrong that is not English.
—William Hazlitt (1778–1830) English Essayist
England has 42 religions and only two sauces.
—Voltaire (1694–1778) French Philosopher, Author
An Englishman is never so natural as when he’s holding his tongue.
—Henry James (1843–1916) American-born British Novelist, Writer
A blaspheming Frenchman is a spectacle more pleasing to the Lord than a praying Englishman.
—Heinrich Heine (1797–1856) German Poet, Writer
England is the paradise of individuality, eccentricity, heresy, anomalies, hobbies and humors.
—George Santayana (1863–1952) Spanish-American Poet, Philosopher
If England was what England seems, An’ not the England of our dreams, But only putty, brass and paint, ‘Ow quick we’d chuck her! But she ain’t.
—Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936) British Children’s Books Writer, Short story, Novelist, Poet, Journalist
How hard it is to make an Englishman acknowledge that he is happy.
—William Makepeace Thackeray (1811–63) English Novelist
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life, for there is in London all that life can afford.
—Samuel Johnson (1709–84) British Essayist
If an earthquake were to engulf England tomorrow, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubble, just to celebrate the event.
—Douglas William Jerrold (1803–57) English Writer, Dramatist, Wit
The English winter-ending in July, to recommence in August.
—Lord Byron (George Gordon Byron) (1788–1824) English Romantic Poet
What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia?
—Sydney Smith (1771–1845) English Clergyman, Essayist, Wit
In the dark days and darker nights when England stood alone-and most men save Englishmen despaired of England’s life-he (Churchill) mobilized the English language and sent it into battle.
—John F. Kennedy (1917–63) American Head of State, Journalist
The extremes of opulence and of want are more remarkable, and more constantly obvious, in (Great Britain) than in any other place that I ever saw.
—John Quincy Adams (1767–1848) Sixth President of the USA
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