Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property”.
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Can we talk?
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly—hurt, bitterness, grief, and, mostof all, fear.
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door—or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Topics: Adversity, Optimism
I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
You have to laugh and cry over and over again with someone before you feel comfortable.
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Whoopi Goldberg American Comedian
- Jimmy Fallon American Comedian
- Bill Maher American Comedian, TV Personality
- Jerry Seinfeld American Comedian
- Buddy Hackett American Comedian
- Jonathan Winters American Comedian
- A. Whitney Brown American Comedian
- Ellen DeGeneres American Comedian, Television Host
- Rodney Dangerfield American Comedian
- Phyllis Diller American Actor