P. J. O’Rourke (1947–2022,) fully Patrick Jake O’Rourke, was an American journalist, political satirist, and essayist. He was recognized for his political humor in books such as Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind’s Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer (1992) and Peace Kills: America’s Fun New Imperialism (2004.)
Born in Toledo, Ohio, O’Rourke had a conservative rearing. He began his writing life in the 1960s as a “left-leaning hippie” and “went from being a Republican to being a Maoist, then back to being a Republican.” O’Rourke was a leading libertarian satirist and journalist. He initially wrote for underground newspapers, moving in 1972 to the National Lampoon, where he was editor-in-chief 1978–81. O’Rourke also wrote for The Atlantic Monthly, The American Spectator, The Weekly Standard, and The Daily Beast.
O’Rourke was the author of Republican Party Reptile (1987,) Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government (1991,) Give War a Chance (1992,) and How the Hell Did This Happen? The Election of 2016 (2017.)
All the Trouble in the World (1994) examined contemporary political concerns such as global warming and famine from a libertarian perspective. Holidays in Hell (1989) is a collection of travel writing in which O’Rourke visited war zones and other trouble spots around the world. Its sequel, Holidays in Heck (2011,) chronicles his travels to places like Galapagos and Disneyland. He was a longtime panelist on the NPR show Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!.
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by P. J. O’Rourke
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Government
Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Politicians, Politics
Never fight an inanimate object.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Reading, Books
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Government, One liners
Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Welfare
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Drugs, Ignorance
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Politics
Traffic is like a bad dog. It isn’t important to look both ways when crossing the street. It’s important to not show fear.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Fear
There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you’re 18.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it’s not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Optimism
People are all exactly alike. There’s no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we’d be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: People
Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Authority, Democracy, Government
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Golf
There’s no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn’t invaded Kuwait that August and set everyone gearing up for World War II. Can we count on Saddam Hussein to come along every year and resolve our defense-policy debates? Given the history of the Middle East, it’s possible.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Defense, Security
Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Bureaucracy
Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Angels
I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist’s code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don’t have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Journalism, Journalists
Some people are better imagined in one’s bed than found there in the morning.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Sex
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
—P. J. O’Rourke
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Twentieth Century
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Government
The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life—this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Government
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the sources of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Drugs
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Parents
Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who’s out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: America
Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Manners
One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it’s remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver’s license.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Responsibility
In the end we beat them with Levi 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of Communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they’re lunch, and we’re number one on the planet.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Socialism, Communism
Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about “character issues.” Either that or just go ahead and determine the presidency with three-legged races and pie-eating contests. It would make better TV.
—P. J. O’Rourke
Topics: Voting, Elections
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