I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Honesty, Girls
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Acting, Actors, Emotions
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Difficulty
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Respect, Respectability
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Children
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Marriage, Funny quotes
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Marriage
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Food, Eating
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
—Rodney Dangerfield
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Jealousy
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