Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
I’d rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
He without benefit of scruples
His fun and money soon quadruples.
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here’s a typewriter, here’s a stencil, here’s a list of today’s appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures—take them, George, they’re yours!
Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they’ve heard of unemployment and they’ve heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
If you don’t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.
There are people who are very resourceful
At being remorseful,
And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends
Is to do something terrible and then make amends.
No man is greater than his respect for sleep.
My garden will never make me famous, I’m a horticultural ignoramus.
And one of his partners asked “Has he vertigo?” and the other glanced out and down and said “Oh no, only about ten feet more.”
Some primal termite knocked on wood;
and tasted it, and found it good.
That is why your Cousin May
fell through the parlor floor today.
One man’s remorse is another man’s reminiscence.
You can take it as understood That your luck changes only if it’s good.
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
Some tortures are physical
And some are mental,
But the one that is both
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Russell Hoban American Author
- Dorothy L. Sayers English Novelist, Playwright
- Helen Gurley Brown American Publisher
- Mark Van Doren American Poet, Critic
- Wallace Stevens American Poet
- Will Rogers American Humorist, Actor
- Frank O’Hara American Poet, Art Critic
- Conrad Aiken American Poet, Novelist
- Stanley Kunitz American Poet
- Henry Adams American Historian