Property, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man’s brief rapacity and long indifference.
Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one’s credibility for future delivery.
Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to suppress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
Don’t steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy, an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign’s hostility.
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
Aristocrats: Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts-guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Heywood Broun American Journalist
- Arthur Brisbane American Editor
- Shana Alexander American Journalist
- Nathaniel Parker Willis American Poet, Playwright
- Brenda Ueland American Journalist Memoirist
- William Allen White American Editor
- Marilyn Ferguson American Author
- George Horace Lorimer American Editor
- E. L. Doctorow American Writer
- George Jean Nathan American Drama Critic