Woody Allen (b.1935,) born Allen Stewart Konigsberg, legally Heywood Allen, is an American film director, writer, actor, and occasional jazz clarinetist. Allen is one of America’s most prominent filmmakers—his very personal films humorously explore themes that have always obsessed him: neurosis, sexual inadequacy, death, and the meaning of life. He once stated that his one regret in life is that he is not someone else.
Born in Brooklyn, New York City, Allen got expelled from both New York University and City College. He turned to a professional writing career, at first for television and comedians. In 1964, he decided to become a stand-up comedian himself. Performing in clubs and on television, he developed the persona of a neurotic eccentric in a sophisticated world. He made his film début scripting and acting in the popular What’s New, Pussycat? (1965.)
Allen’s movie projects were vehicles for his stand-up routines: Take the Money and Run (1969,) Bananas (1971,) Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex … But Were Afraid to Ask (1972,) Sleeper (1973,) and Love and Death (1975.)
Allen gained distinction with Annie Hall (1977,) which won Academy Awards for Best Director, Best Script, and Best Picture, and Manhattan (1979.) His subsequent films include Stardust Memories (1980,) Broadway Danny Rose (1984,) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986,) Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989,) Alice (1990,) Bullets over Broadway (1994,) Mighty Aphrodite (1995,) Everyone Says I Love You (1996,) and Midnight in Paris (2011.)
Allen’s celebrity extended to his off-screen life as well. He has been married two times previously, and had romantic relationships with actresses Stacey Nelkin, Diane Keaton, and Mia Farrow. In 1992, reports emerged that the 57-year-old Allen was having an affair with Farrow’s 21-year-old adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn—she became Allen’s third and current wife.
Allen’s notable works include Getting Even (1971,) The Complete Prose of Woody Allen (1992,) and Insanity Defense (2007.)
More: Wikipedia • READ: Works by Woody Allen
When we lose twenty pounds… we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Weight, Diet
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Money
Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
—Woody Allen
I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
—Woody Allen
A “Bay Area Bisexual” told me I didn’t quite coincide with either of her desires.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Sex
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers
—Woody Allen
Topics: School
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Goals, Success
The people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can’t.
—Woody Allen
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Gold
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism. It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Choice
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government
—Woody Allen
Topics: Government
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Blessings, Appreciation, Talent, Gratitude
It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Death, Dying
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
—Woody Allen
Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Fun
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Getting Going, Procrastination, Success, Inaction, Success & Failure
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful – provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Sex
Marriage is the death of hope.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Marriage
What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
—Woody Allen
Topics: Dreams
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Sex
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Women
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
—Woody Allen
Topics: The Body, Fun, Mankind, Man, Body
I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Intellectuals, Intelligence
I don’t believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Death, Dying
If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Reality, Opportunities
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Revolution
Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Time
I don’t respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to… if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Drugs
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Value of Time, Time Management
When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back
—Woody Allen
Topics: Baseball
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Expectation, Disillusion
I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Art, Comedy
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Economy
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
—Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Regret, Disappointment, Remorse
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Confidence
If you don’t fail now and again, it’s a sign you’re playing it safe.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Risk
Show business is not so much ‘dog eats dog’ as ‘dog doesn’t return other dog’s phone calls.’
—Woody Allen
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
—Woody Allen
Topics: Eternity
I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
—Woody Allen
Topics: Parents
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