It’s a sign of age if you feel like the morning after the night before and you haven’t been anywhere.
—Modern Proverb
Social tact is making your company feel at home, even though you wish they were.
—Modern Proverb
Today’s sales should be better than yesterday’s—and worse than tomorrow’s.
—Modern Proverb
Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer.
—Modern Proverb
The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.
—Modern Proverb
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
—Modern Proverb
Topics: Time, Age, Aging
Advice would be more acceptable if it didn’t always conflict with our plans.
—Modern Proverb
There is a dignity in dying that doctors should not dare to deny.
—Modern Proverb
You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.
—Modern Proverb
The new definition of psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
—Modern Proverb
Half of the secret of resistance to disease is cleanliness; the other half is dirtiness.
—Modern Proverb
A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
—Modern Proverb
We’ve made great medical progress in the last generation. What used to be merely an itch is now an allergy.
—Modern Proverb
A psychoanalyst is one who pretends he doesn’t know everything.
—Modern Proverb
The operation was successful—but the patient died. The psychiatrist is the obstetrician of the mind.
—Modern Proverb
Nothing is harder on your laurels than resting on them.
—Modern Proverb
The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more.
—Modern Proverb
A budget is a method of worrying before you spend instead of afterwards.
—Modern Proverb
Men are blind in their own cause.
—Modern Proverb
Topics: Reason
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.
—Modern Proverb
Topics: Problems
An adult is one who has ceased to grow vertically but not horizontally.
—Modern Proverb
Exploratory operation: a remunerative reconnaissance.
—Modern Proverb
Ever since dying came into fashion, life hasn’t been safe.
—Modern Proverb
The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead.
—Modern Proverb
You are getting old when the gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
—Modern Proverb
An animal psychologist is a man who pulls habits out of rats.
—Modern Proverb
Doctors bury their mistakes. Lawyers hang them. But journalists put theirs on the front page.
—Modern Proverb
Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.
—Modern Proverb
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is the complete opposite.
—Modern Proverb
Removing the teeth will cure something, including the foolish belief that removing the teeth will cure everything.
—Modern Proverb
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